


It was Easy Before

by bolles88



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Cutting, F/M, M/M, Smut, U have to squint for it, if u read this for smut just don't, its not actually smut, not really smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-27
Updated: 2013-09-27
Packaged: 2017-12-27 17:59:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/981929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bolles88/pseuds/bolles88
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And Harry nods because it's easy.</p>
<p>Harry wants things to be easy. They were easy before. Fucking hell what happened? What happened to him and Louis? Why aren't things easy anymore?</p>
            </blockquote>





	It was Easy Before

**Author's Note:**

> Trying to write again! I've read John Green's looking for Alaska and I liked the 'before and after' set up! I tried it out hoped u all like it :) thanks

1 year before

Harry giggled as the older boy placed dainty kisses on his nose. He snuggled closer. 

"What are we?" 

"Boyfriends? I mean- we, we can be."

"Okay," Harry nods, because Louis makes everything easy. Everything simple. 

And Harry pushes his lips slyly onto Louis' cheek. And it's easy. 

11 months before 

"Her name is Eleanor." Louis says, his voice shaking. 

"She's pretty." Harry responds, looking at the wall, hoping it will engulf him. 

"God Harry, thanks for the help." 

Harry whips around. "What?" 

"I said thanks for being an asshole of boyfriend, thanks for comforting me as they shove some bitch in my face." 

"Louis-"

"Thanks a lot." Louis spits out, bitterly. The words burn Harry.

\---

"Louis?" 

"Yeah Harry?" Harry watches Zayn's stolen cigarette hang out of Louis's chapped lips. 

"I love you."

And this time it's Louis who whips around. He just nods. And Harry knows.

"Me too Harry, I love you too." 

And it's ok. And it's fine. And it's easy. 

8 months before 

"I have Eleanor today love, tomorrow we can do something, okay?" 

Harry just shrugs, it's not that hard. It's still easy. But not that easy.

"Lou? Can we get a cuppa tonight?" 

"How about I whip one up tonight in the flat? That's all right, yeah?" 

"Yeah." 

And it's fine. 

Harry watches Louis place his lips on Eleanor's cheek. He watches the cameras flash. He watches his boyfriend wrap an arm around a beautiful girl. 

And it's fine. It's ok. Maybe it's easy. Harry's not sure anymore. 

6 months before

"Y-you sure?" 

Harry bites his lip. He nods. They haven't done this. Together or with others. They're pure to males, they're pure and delicate. 

Louis works his fingers in and out of Harry, ravishing the moans that fall out of Harry's mouth. 

"Now?"

And Harry nods. He always nods. It's easy. 

And then Louis and Harry are connected and it's so beautiful and it's so raw and all Harry can think is louislouislouis.

And white sprays across Louis's chest and it's so gorgeous. 'Louis did that' Harry thinks to himself. 

And they cuddle until Harry can feel Louis's puffs of breath on his chest and it's perfect. And easy. And Harry drifts of to sleep. 

\---

And when he wakes, and Louis is gone. Gone with Eleanor, he shouldn't be as hurt as he is. But it's always her now, it's eleanoreleanoreleanor and it's fucking annoying. 

And maybe it's not easy. Not even a little bit, not anymore. 

3 months before

Harry forgets to focus sometimes. Sometimes he just sits and stares, he just let the words flow in and out of him. It's not easy.

And Louis isn't at practice, again. Because Eleanor, and 'it's his job' and 'god Harry stop pissing yourself it's just el." 

Who even nick names their own beard? 

Harry starts to scratch his wrists. He likes the pretty little lines that form. But still, nothing is all that easy. 

2 months before 

Harry's razor breaks after he shaves. He knew he should've purchased a new one but he still hasn't. He watches it fall off of the counter on to the floor. 

He picks up a broken blade and presses it to his skin. 

He does this for a month. He watches the blood slip down his wrists and for once, it's not ok. It's not fine. But he pretends it's easy. 

24 days before 

Louis and Harry stop talking now. They aren't close, are they even dating? Harry doesn't know.

He presses his little blade deeper. 

It's not fine. It's not easy. 

13 days before 

Louis kisses Eleanor. It's not staged. Louis comes home with a grin that splits his face in half. 

Harry thinks he's going to rip her in half. But instead he gets his blade and he cuts himself in half. 

It's not easy. It's not fine. He wishes it was easy. 

2 days before 

Louis doesn't think it's going to work out anymore. He tells Harry that's he's not going to lie anymore. He likes Eleanor. 

He says sorry. 

He's not sorry. 

Harry cuts some more.

Fucking hell, shouldn't this be easy?

1 day before 

Louis brings Eleanor to the flat. She smiles and giggles and they look so damn cute and she gets along with all the other boys, they have it easy. 

"Are you ok?" Louis asks. And Harry nods, because it's easy. 

And that's all his wants. An easy life. And if that means Louis's with her. Then fine. As long as he's happy and Louis has it's easy then Harry can feel a little bit better. 

Just a little.

That day

Eleanor kisses Louis all day. She lounges around their home and pretends she runs the place. She trips Harry twice. 

"Look out fag"

Harry wants to say that it was her boyfriend that stuck it up him, and her boyfriend that could cum with a flick of Harry's wrist. Her boyfriend that's a fag. A fag for Harry. 

But he just nods, because it's easy. 

That night

Harry decides that alcohol is his new best friend. He also decides that it's reasonable to down a whole jug of beer. He drinks so many different drinks he wonders if his feet have gotten eaten by his shoes. 

He walks into the street. He lays down. He just wants life to be easy. 

He wants his love back. 

And he waits for bright lights to come speeding down the road and he waits for it to all be easy. 

And he closes his eyes and dreams about loving and living life easy. 

During

It's dark and Harry can't see but he hears muffled sounds. He was hoping for something else. This isn't all that easy. 

2 months after 

His eyes blink open and they burn and his throat is dry and he likes that darkness better then this strange room.

"Harry?" Harry looks up. His wrist is bandaged. He stares into blue eyes. 

"Yeah?" 

"Oh Harry I," Harry stops him. He starts again. "No Harry please you need to hear me out, I, I lov-"

Harry looks up at the boy with the feathery hair. He feels homely with this boy but he also feels anger. He wants to kiss this person. He also wants them to feel pain.

Louis looks into Harry's full green eyes that used to be full of creativity and light. 

"I'm sorry, I just, who are you?" Harry asks, his lips cracking as he speaks.

And it's not fine. It's not ok. 

And Harry's forgotten and Louis's broken and the band is over and Louis can't even stand Eleanor anymore.

And it's not easy. Not anymore. Not even close to easy. 

It's hard. 

And Louis realizes that this was his fault and it was him and dear god, whatever happened to easy?

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Thanks for reading :) 
> 
> xx izzy


End file.
